May 11, 2010
My last blog post is defunct. It turns out that recruiters won’t stop to ask me what job I want, what I am looking for and what my strengths are. They are roaring straight past me. I got an automated email from two large recruitment agencies to say that they reviewed my CV and cannot help me find a job. I know my CV is non-linear so they can’t fit me in a box and it’s easier to reject me. Well, that’s done wonders for my self-esteem. If recruiters won’t help me get a job, then who will?
Panic and adrenalin have been pumping through my veins today as I wonder what my next step is. The funny thing is, if I am truly honest with myself, the jobs on recruitment web sites sound nauseating anyway. I would like one of their jobs for the money, the stability, the security and the hope that a dry accounting role will eventually lead to sexier opportunities.
I feel like an Israelite. I’ve left my career Egypt and now I am roaming aimlessly in the desert while I search for my Promised Land. It is nowhere in sight but maybe I should do what God wanted the Israelites to do – trust and rely on Him to provide.
This is my new prayer: ‘God, what sail will you put your wind behind?’ That sail, that job, that path, that opportunity will be much more worthwhile and meaningful than the jobs on the Michael Page or Robert Walters’ websites anyway. I just have to figure out what that sail is.
May 9, 2010
This weekend I’ve had an epiphany – I need to get a high-paying, reliable job. I’ve been fortunate enough that my husband has been so gracious in supporting me while I find my passion and calling but this indulgence can’t carry on indefinitely. Alastair and I looked at a fabulous house in Epsom with an open plan kitchen and dining area, a big garden, a garage and FOUR bedrooms. We can’t buy it because we can’t afford it on Al’s salary alone. Somewhere in my heart, a camel’s back has splintered beneath a straw. As much as I long for the perfect job, I realize that there is also some peace and relief in the consistency and reliability of a permanent 9 to 5 job.
When we get back from Thailand in June, I will jump on the recruitment conveyor belt (again!) and see what’s out there. Recruiters always ask, ‘what do you want?’, ‘what are you looking for?’ and ‘what are your strengths?’. I struggle to spin my story for every job spec and I have jumped though hoops trying to articulate why companies should hire me. In my next job hunt, I plan to change my tactics. I have reached the point where I must be like Julia Roberts in the movie Pretty Woman. She plays a prostitute who is picked up by Richard Gere.
He says to her, ‘What is your name?’
She replies, ‘What do you want it to be?’
I think I’ve reached the point of no return where I must stand on the job-hunt curb, lift my skirt up my thigh and stick out my leg. When a recruiter swings by and asks me what I want and what my skills are, I’ll say, ‘whatever you want them to be.’
May 7, 2010
Sometimes I wonder if I am wasting my time on my quest for meaning and fulfillment in my career. Does it really exist or am I just chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Career contentment seems so elusive and finding my purpose is exhausting. I often wonder if I should look for meaning in other areas of my life and accept a high paying, 9 to 5 job and make it a means to an end. Should I just grin and bear it?
This week, I heard a quote by Franz Werfel (no idea who he is but Viktor Frankl quoted him). He said, ‘Thirst is the surest proof for the existence of water.’
You may not see water ahead and you may not know where to find it but your thirst is a sign that you shouldn’t stop. You were created with a physiological need for liquid. My longing (sometimes it feels like a physical ache) for purpose and direction in the work I do makes me sure that it is out there somewhere. It must exist. I must keep looking. Never give up!